My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
