i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
