i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
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