make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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