Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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