I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
