don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
