he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
