like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
