I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
