she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
