I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
He? As in you personified your dick?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
