I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My penis needs a shock collar
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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