You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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