Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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