I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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