I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
