I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
