You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
