I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
