insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
