You made me cry and you don't even care
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
