So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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