a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
