Girls should come with a carfax report
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
