Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
