the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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