He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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