The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
