I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I party with great urgency now.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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