she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Girls should come with a carfax report
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Randomize
