never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
