Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
