respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
