Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
