I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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