kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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