glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
