It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
