I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I love you. Go after that dick
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