well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
