I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
