Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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