anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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