wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Found your dick twin last night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
