Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
