Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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