While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
