I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
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