i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
